Beauty and the Beast taught me…

(this is a paper i wrote for one of my classes and felt like i should share it with you)

Poised, polite and perfectly behaved. Those are the three P’s I grew up with. Being part of the “high society” of a city can take its toll on you. Being forced into a mold of how a lady acts and of what her role in the world is can either make you or break you. Infinite classes of etiquette, cooking, baking, modeling, dance and arts & crafts are what defined my childhood. The expectations were incredibly high and all we could do was sit straight, smile and look pretty.

Being completely honest, this wasn’t as hard as one might think. When you are brought up to be the perfect hostess and housewife, everything just come naturally and it starts being fun. Endless parties where we had to make sure everyone had a drink on their hand and that the table was set to perfection, were one of the things I looked forward to, and still do. But there was one movie that changed my views of the world. Beauty and the Beast made me realize that I don’t have to follow the mold. I can dream, make mistakes, read all the books I want, and still be poised, polite and somewhat perfectly behaved.

Belle became my favorite Disney Princess since the first time I laid eyes on her. I felt like she was me, and that there was so much more than being a small town girl, being known as the Industrial Mogul’s niece. I can’t tell when and how many times I had to re-watch the movie to get my lesson from it, but I certainly did.  I was being pushed into a mold that I didn’t fit into to its entirety. I was being judged for being different and I had to become what they wanted. I was a quite peculiar girl.

Following the challenge’s question: “How is the child taught the ‘roles’ that girls/women and boys/men are expected to assume (both positive and negative)?” This is easy. Let’s begin with the second scene of the movie: Farm girl going into town with a book at hand. Everyone is saying how she is different, how she’s always dazed and in a far off place, distracted and strange. All these things just because she reads and is sort of an introvert.  For them it’s a pity and a sin that she doesn’t fit in because she is so beautiful.

Then we have Gaston, the tall, dark, strong and handsome brute. The man who wants to marry Belle at all costs because in town there’s only she who is beautiful as he is. After the “Belle (Little Town)” scene ends, he basically tells her to stop wasting her time with books and to focus on more important things like, him. His argument is that it is not right for a woman to read because then she starts having ideas and thinking.  Gaston is portrayed as this strong, very hands on man. A “manly-man” one can say. But all I can see is a d-bag who clearly is trying to compensate for something else.

Kids unfortunately don’t see it this way. For some kids Gaston is a hero. He is tall and strong and can hunt. He is what every boy wants to grow up to be, a MAN. I remember growing up and going to school to talk about my favorite Disney movie and go on show and tells with my gorgeous yellow Belle dress. I would ask my classmates who their favorite character was and rarely any of the boys wanted to be the Beast. They wanted to be Gaston because he was a “macho man” and the Beast was scary.

I never understood why. To me the Beast was gentle and caring, he was mean sometimes because he was protecting himself from the rest of the world. He was cursed and didn’t want people to see what he had become, just for being shallow. In reality, the Beast has some of the qualities I would love in a guy. He cares deeply for Belle and goes out of his way to make her feel comfortable in this “prison”. He lets his guard down, forgetting about his fears and tries to make it work with her. He let her be herself and embraced her personality.

Going back to Belle, one of my favorite scenes is when Gaston tries to marry her and prepares this wedding in her front yard. He ends up headfirst in a pool of mud with a cute little pig for company. She then breaks into song expressing her disgust towards this entire situation. She asks her animals if they can imagine her, the wife of that brute. “Madame Gaston! Can you just see it? Madame Gaston! His ‘little wife’.” She refuses to be seen as just a wife, with no voice, waiting at home taking care of the kids until Gaston comes home from whatever he does for a living, demanding food and obviously somethings else.

Belle is a strong independent woman. She knows what she wants and she knows she will never get it in a small provincial town in France. She longed for someone to understand that she wanted so much more than they’ve got planned. As an adult now, I can see all this things, but when I was a child, all I saw was a smart girl and I wanted to be that. I wanted to be me and sing and ride horses and read books all day. That to me was the dream.

Nevertheless, I have to admit that there are things at flaw in this movie, as well as in all Disney animated movies (except: Mulan, Frozen, Brave). Women are taught that love is a fairy tale and that we will have a prince charming that will sweep us off of our feet and we will live happily ever after. We are taught that we are defenseless. We can try to save ourselves but we will always need a man to save us at the end. Doesn’t matter from who, we need a man to save us.

Belle did something different though. She tried to save the Beast from Gaston. This movie has both, hero and heroine. They both saved each other and made the world understand that women also have power and they can be as daring as any man and fight for what they believe is right. Belle was the princess, at least to me, that started the “I’ll fight for what I believe in” movement. We see this in Ariel, Jasmine, and Anastacia, obviously in Mulan, Merida, Rapunzel, Anna and Elsa.

This movie changed me. It took me towards another direction. It made me stop thinking that men should do everything and I’ll finish high school, maybe go to college, marry, have kids and be a soccer mom. Those were my ideals when I was a child. My Barbie’s had that life, the life I wanted. Until I understood the lessons behind this movie. I can be smart, I can fight for what I believe in. I don’t have to ever be just a “little wife”.

Curiosity did not kill the cat

Like I mentioned on a previous post, I always wanted to know why people cheat. So, I went ahead and asked people I had never asked before. I must admit that some answers were expected but some, blew my mind. Guys, thank you so much for your answers and not feeling annoyed by my out-of-place questioning.

The following are the answers I so desperately wanted…

1. “Because we’re assholes. To me, infidelity requires two things:  A motive and a justification. Your partner gives you a motive and you justify your actions. For example: Your partner doesn’t understand you anymore. No matter how much you try she doesn’t show as much interest as she did before, and then this other girl comes into your life that gives you  the attention your girlfriend isn’t giving you anymore and you feel attracted towards her  just like she is towards you, there’s nothing else to do. it just happens”
2. “As far as I know, people cheat for different reasons. But they are all sort of the same. Some do it because they are not getting entirely what they’d like from a relationship, but they are not strong enough to say ‘Let’s end this cause it’s not working’. There are fuckers who cheat for sport, because they don’t give a shit. And some people are in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong amount of alcohol and/or drugs in their system”
3. “Basically, us men… we’re idiots“
4. “Revenge; tired of monotony; they can’t satisfy their libido, so they look for other partners; one crazy night; or because you know you can’t have that person but you still want to “
5. ” Well, love, based on my analysis men cheat for two reasons: the first is because his girl stopped caring and isn’t paying as much attention as she used to; the second is sport. By that I mean that they do it simply for the thrill it gives them, and so their friends see that they can get as many girls they want. And then there’s just the girls that throw themselves at you but that doesn’t happen as much as the two I just mentioned.”
6. “First time I cheated, I was 15. That was the first time in my life were i was really talking to girls. I wasn’t scared of girls anymore I was more ‘grown up’, I had the balls to talk to girls, and in a guys pov it’s like experimenting, it’s something new to you. It’s girls you find cute, you’re talking to them, you want to, I don’t know, it’s like fun. Not to cheat on them, talking to girls was fun. So yeah what came came and I didn’t think much of it. But every relationship is different, I don’t think there’s an specific reason….Relationships have a flow. If you go through a rocky patch or whatever and this girl comes into your life and shes like saying all the perfect things then, you know, you might feel closer to her. Thing is, there’s no such thing as loyalty in a relationship. You’re with somebody because they make you feel happy, good. Now, if you’re in a relationship because you’ve been with her but in the last couple months it’s been stressful and the right girl comes in with the right words and actions and makes you feel like a man, you might or might not cheat and regret it afterwards.Cause sometimes you’re in a relationship and everything is exciting  but after time passes you get to this comfort zone and sometimes things get boring and you start second guessing, and things might happen and sometimes girls and boys are straight up hoes.”
7. “I’ve only cheated once. It was an adrenaline rush. But then i felt bad. Reaaallly bad. I had just found out I had been cheated on, so it was like a revenge fuck. But I felt really bad afterwards, so I’ve never done it again. But in my experience, that’s what it feels like. Like the pain becomes adrenaline... like when you do something exciting”
8. “Immaturity. We are so distanced from the concept of love that any momentary display of affection, doesn’t matter how dishonest it may be, we see it as a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that is guiding us towards what we really want. Most people don’t know the difference between love, lust, crushes, obsession, etc.. That’s why  you’re only faithful when you find that person that you truly love“
9. “Validation. Knowing that you are desired by other women that the one who you feel only fucks you out of obligation.”

I hope this answers some of your own questions and doubts.

Love you all.

TOODLES!

-Alice Ayres

Dear Mr. Donald Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

I am deeply offended by your campaign. When I first heard you were running for presidency, I laughed and my first thought was “What the hell is going through Trump’s head? Is he serious?”. I never thought it could get worse than your stupid reality TV show, or your very noticeable toupe. I am also deeply offended by what you decided to call all of us, kids from latin americans. I AM NOT AN ANCHOR BABY! My parent’s did not decide to have me here so they could have their citizenship secure. My father was already a citizen when I was born and my mother was really close to getting hers. So once again, I AM NOT AN ANCHOR BABY!

I feel sad for you. I really do. It seems like you have forgotten that this country was brought up by illegal immigrants who stole the land, raped and murdered native americans. The only person I would accept these arguments from is and will always be a Native American and in some cases MEXICANS. Why? BECAUSE WE STOLE THEIR LAND! I say we because I AM A NORTH AMERICAN. I was born in this country, I LIVE HERE, and I have all the right to say that I am North American.

It really pisses me off how you diss the people who work so hard to keep this country running. Do you know why hispanics are “stealing”  jobs? BECAUSE THE “WHITE” AMERICANS ARE LAZY AND DO NOT WANT TO WORK. They are spoiled. They rather live off of welfare than work. Did you know that the vast majority of homeless people I see on a daily basis is white? Do you want to know what race and skin color that the few guys I know that deal drugs are?WHITE.. MIDDLE OR HIGH CLASS WHITES.

I am HISPANIC, and I will not tolerate you degrading my race because of some stupid hatred of yours. You honestly remind me of some German asswipe who thought he was above an entire race. Is that where you’re aiming towards? another holocaust? Your entire campaign revolves in changing the constitution, removing the 14th Amendment and then deporting 11 million people from the US plus build a border that will obviously leave the country in bankruptcy.

I honestly believe this is because of some personal vendetta. Does it bother you that there’s a man in Mexico who’s richer than you? Smarter than you? and obviously more grounded than you will ever be? Does it bother you? If you just want to prove a point you’re doing it the wrong way. You’ve lost the vote of the “minority”. Without us, you won’t win. I’d rather vote for Busch any day before I vote for you. I can’t stand the thought that you have gotten into the minds of many americans with all these false promises. You’re lying to your country. Why don’t you fix the school system? Oh yeah, because if you do that’ll mean that the country will be smart enough to make their own decisions and understand that you, sir, are full of crap.

I really hope someone throws a shoe at you at a conference just like they did to Busch. You deserve it more than he did.

Oh and just so you know, I hate you more than I hate Prof Umbridge. And TRUST ME, that’s A LOT!

Worst of luck on your campaign,

Alice Ayres.

“So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Midnight thoughts…

If you ever ask me how I was as a teenager, my answer would be this: …

I don’t know how I was. I pretended to be someone I wasn’t for so long that I have come to realize: I had no identity back then. I got so lost in what I should be that right now, I’m still searching for myself. Fitting in  was my main objective and being “myself” was completely out of the question. It’s not like I wanted to do this. It was unconsciously, my mind making me do, say or think things that were not ME. I tried so hard to get people to like me that my life became a constant search of approval, and sadly, it still is.

I don’t know who I really am in life. All I know is that I have a very diverse taste in music, movies, entertainment, etc.. All thanks to my “role-playing”. I was so set in being “one of them”, I never really thought about standing out, being me. And although I tried to keep up with everyone else, I was still left out. I rarely ever go invited to parties or to the mall and I was just looked down on. I was never relevant. I was just there, in my own little corner, reading my books to forget about a nasty remark made about my character.

I was FAKE. But who isn’t during their teenage years? Those are the years we try different things. Cliques are formed and you had to fake it ’til you made it. My biggest struggle was seeing everyone else fake it and making it and then realizing that no matter how much I faked it, I would never really make it. I would never be one of the pretty ones, I would never be told I had a good voice, I would never be asked out and I would always be made fun off.

I won’t lie and say I never thought everyone would be better off without me. I had those thoughts since I was 11-12 years old. I kept journals and wrote about how I felt lost and that I would never be happy in a place like that. I hated my school and I wanted to leave, but my constant thoughts were “what if its the same?, what if I’m still rejected?”. I tried my luck hanging out with kids from another school and it sort of felt right. I went to parties, to the movies, get together’s at someones house and just chilled with them. I felt like I finally had found a place were I fit in.

Funny how life is though. It’s been years since I last spoke to one of those people. I completely lost contact and none of them have reached out and neither have I. I think that God sent them to me for that amount of time so I could see what being a teenager, really was. Within that group I had my first kiss (dreadful!!!), multiple crushes, some innocent flirting and I even almost get catfished (i outsmarted the bitch). Regardless, it was a good experience. Don’t get me wrong though. I did have friends in my school and they are more than that to me. But it is now that we’ve grown up and some of them have kids or are married that I honestly feel like those people that made fun of me and made me feel alienated are, in fact, my friends and that I can count on them. I have had some of them reach out to me and apologize for bullying me, and some I rather not even speak to and I know it is completely mutual.

The worst part of all this, is the scars. I am full of scars. I tend to not trust people’s intentions and yet I trust them enough to talk to them about personal stuff. I never know who’s a friend and who is just there waiting for the right moment to ditch me. I’ve been let down so many times that I don’t even try anymore. I don’t go around waiting for a text from those who don’t even have the decency to ask me “how’s it been?” or “how’s the new life?”. I won’t lie and say I don’t miss some of the people I thought of as friends, but I am done.  I am done with trying to fit in, I am done with feeling hurt when everyone around me is talking about going out drinking right after and not even reach out and say “hey, wanna join us?”. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am done with being weak.

Dude.. Seriously?!

I think this has become sort of a routine. A girl who is clearly not a relationship expert talks and vents about relationships, and the lack of one. I guess that throughout the years I have learned so much vicariously that I can, or at least try to, give some decent advice. So here I go again, venting about how stupid and deceitful some men are.

Disclaimer: this is still about my dear friend (see 7 stages of relationship grief)

I have learned that not having things clear with your significant other can be treacherous. Why? Because you’re in the limbo, the ball is on their court and anything that happens doesn’t matter because “We’re not in a relationship”. The best example for this is the “We were on a break” situation between Ross and Rachel. Rachel never really said it was a simply a break, a time-out, NOT A BREAK UP, but to Ross that’s exactly what it was. He truly believed they had broken up, therefor he went ahead and had rebound sex with the copy-girl with the belly button ring. If things had been clear since the beginning, we wouldn’t have heard Ross yelling “WE WERE ON A BREAK” for all seasons to come.

This happens all the time and that’s why I like to have things clear since day one. I like to know if we’re just friends, if this is just to get to know each other to see were it might go, or if in the back of his mind he’s just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and fuck me. Some of my friends tell me that this scares men off. My response is “It keeps me sane”. It keeps me sane because knowing exactly what is expected doesn’t make me second guess everything and overthink his texts and stops me from trying to find hidden meanings in our conversations. It let’s me know exactly what’s going down and that way  can make a decision about it.

Having things clear from the beginning might’ve been the best thing for my buddy. He did get things sort of clear at some point but he still had a Ross and Rachel going on. His SO (they were dating, nothing official yet), admitted he cheated, twice, and used the lame excuse that the other guy kissed him. Something I should mention about this situation is that my friend’s SO was in the other guys beach house for the weekend.  This is were I went ” DUDE..SERIOUSLY?!”

First of all, if I knew a guy was throwing himself at me and I WAS NOT INTERESTED, I would’ve never even considered spending a weekend at his beach house, no matter how pretty the beach house is. If i were to consider it, I would’ve taken someone else with me, maybe even my SO if  I had one. I knew this was going down since before it happened. My buddy told me about the other dude’s advances and how he had seen some texts and that his SO was like “I’m with #$#@( now”. So, yeah he was sort of respectful over the texts, this is why he trusted him about it.

My buddy being the proud man he is, told him that whatever they had was beautiful while it lasted but it was over now. He stood his ground and I’m proud of him. But this son of a bitch responds with “we’re not in a relationship” then he adds “It’s not going to happen again, I swear” and the best one yet “Sleep on it I’ll see you Thursday when I get back.My buddy was smart and said no more and ended it right then and there. Honestly, if I were to see this douchebag in person I would hit him with so much emotional pain he will probably end up wishing that I’d be kicking his ass instead.

Sometimes I wonder what really goes on a person’s mind when they cheat and I wish i could get someone’s point of view about it but some people are so touchy about the subject. I sit here like “you’re my friend, I know you cheat” and they look all offended and act like they have never done such things. Whatever let’s you sleep at night, buddy.  But yeah, this is just me procrastinating instead of doing something productive, and obviously letting go of some deep hatred I have towards some people right now.

Have a great night!

Toodles,

Searching for Perfection

Perfection is, broadly, a state of completeness and flawlessness.

In other words, it does not exist. So, why do most of us keep on looking for that perfect other half that will make our lives complete?

To me, the perfect man would have to resemble Nick Jonas, Matt Bomer and Adam Levine. Meaning, broad shoulders, perfect jawline, perfect teeth, great smile and a few more attributes that equal to UNREAL.

But what do we really want? Is it really the perfect mix of those silver screen hotties? Those sexy athletes that take our breath away? Or is it just the average boy that might just have at least one of our crazy unreachable expectations?

Most of us claim to be attracted to tall, dark, handsome men. But what if one day we end up infatuated by that short clumsy guy  that sits at the end of the class?

I’m not talking by personal experience, but by simply curiosity. I’m a girl and I don’t know what I want. Most guys will be yelling “FINALLY” as soon as they read this. But let’s face it, I’m speaking of the truth.

Most of us really don’t know what we want. We say we do, but I, myself, have to admit that I can be more confusing and challenging than a Rubix Cube. I really have no clue of what I look for in a guy. Boys with the “bad boy” vibe really catch my eye, but the ones that are sweet and nice, even kinda nerdy, are good enough to make the cut.

I can’t deny that I wish my prince charming will come, but as Taylor Swift says “ I’m not a princess and this ain’t a fairy tale”. Disney is to blame for these crazy, prince charming ideas, that are stuck in our heads since we were kids. Girls, we must get rid of that delusional idea, and become realistic about this situation.

Prince Charming can come in rags instead of riches, as a frog instead of a handsome human being or as Prince Charming himself.  Some of us need to kiss a long line of frogs until we find the one that turns into the man of our dreams. Some of us are lucky enough to find it right away. But most of us just keep on kissing those wart-covered frogs, cause we are to blinded to see that all we need might be just in front of us disguised as the discombobulated little frog.

So why have all these crazy, irrelevant expectations? Why be blind folded by the beauty or the pocket? Why not just look further and get to know people better, instead of judging only by first impressions?

The 7 Stages of (Relationship) Grief

Tonight I write upon request. A request for a topic that,luckily,I can relate to.

I have an amazing, gorgeous friend who loves love and is just like me, going from one sad excuse of a man to the other. Even though we’re a couple hundred miles apart right now, he knows I’m still there for him with my blunt outbursts of reality.He recently came to me with boy trouble and as soon as we ended our conversation he asked for me to write about it.

I was a bit reluctant at first. Now, at midnight and with no sleep in the horizon, I got the inspiration to write about this.

I’ll be frank. Most of us hopeless romantics see what we want to see where there’s nothing. We meet this “wonderful” guy, talk to him on a daily basis and even have cute nicknames for each other. We start to secretly hope that “this is is the one” and think that “finally my family will stop asking me if I’m thinking about joining a convent”. Few weeks pass and to us, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL, everything is going at a perfect pace. Just to have our dreams crushed and all our hopes thrown down the drain.

Usually, we go through, what I call, the stages of relationship grief. These are sort of like the stages of grief we normally go through but more realistic to what goes around in our heads when something doesn’t work out. (*Disclaimer: I made this up myself, if it has any resemble to anything remotely similar out there, I apologize….)

Some people skip a few of these (from what I’ve seen) But we all go through this..

• Denial

This happens when everything is going downhill. We see the signs but we don’t want to accept it. We vent to our friends about how much of an ass he’s being, and how bad everything seems to be and that you’ll give him a chance at it. BAD IDEA.

• Doubting ourselves

This is honestly one of the worst things we do when something doesn’t work out. We start questioning ourselves and start looking for things WE might have done wrong. The most frequent thoughts we have are: “Could it be that I demanded too much attention”; “Did I smother him too much?”; “I should’ve put out when I had the chance, right?”; “Why did I put out so fast?”;”I talk to much”; “did i bore him?”; “i’m just too fat”; “could it be something I said?” and so on. These are infinite.

Doubting ourselves is harmful for us. Yes, being rejected can be a blow to our self-esteem but it doesn’t have to be that way.

• Over-analyzing

And I mean EVERYTHING. Every outing, every hang out at either one’s house. Every call, every text. Even mentions. You start analyzing his behavior when you guys hung out with his friends and thing he said to you when you were alone. EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. Just to know where did it go wrong or if he ever gave off some vibe that explains his current non-commitment behavior.

• Stalking

We’ve all done this. We check his every move to see if he’s with another girl/guy. Who is this person and is this hussy prettier than you. You casually drive by his house or his job and keep an eye on his social media feed 24/7. THIS IS SCARY. But hey, we all go through this. Happens more when there’s no closure.

• Relapse

“You ever hear the one about the junkie who was satisfied with just one hit of the good stuff?”

Oh our dearest frenemy. This bitch of a stage makes it all difficult. If we fall for this one, we have to start all over again and it suuuucks.. It becomes a vicious cycle. “I’ll give him another chance” “I know he’s changed” “he wont do it again, he promised” “He is in a better place in his life right now” “maybe this time we’ll do it right” and the best of them all… “It’s just to hook up”.. no matter which one we use, RELAPSE IS RELAPSE.

• Wallow

This I learned from Gilmore Girls. WE ALWAYS NEED TO WALLOW. Cry a little.. or a lot. Your choice. Crying is cathartic. It is good for the soul and it takes you right to next step. This is what we all should do from the beginning but noooo, we are women/men who need to torture ourselves.

• Best thing I never had(ACCEPTANCE)

Cause it sucks to be him right now, right? This is the final stage and my favorite. I rather be going through this stage than doubting myself. Although, this one does mask the other. Here is when you are at the point were the fact that this douchebag rejected you does not phase you. You’re at that place where you know you’re better off without him and he’s missing out. He’s the one that’s going to be regretting leaving someone as great as you for someone that doesn’t have shit on you, while you are doing you and meeting men who will make him look like that bacteria that lives in the darkest spot of the ocean inside the ass of a dead sharks carcass..

Like I said before, not everyone goes through all of these stages. I usually skip right to acceptance and so does my lovely GBF.   Word of advice to you, my lovely readers, is to hold on when this happens. Rejection feels horrible, but it makes us stronger and helps us obtain more clarity as to what we really want in life, what we yearn for. So be strong and remember, you are the most beautiful person on earth and that one person doesn’t like you how you wish they did, is completely and absolutely irrelevant.

Love you all..

Toodles!

Thoughts..

“If you want it to eventually end up as a relationship, you have to start hooking up”

That was the advice i got from my friends boyfriend. He told me, and I quote “get on tinder and start sleeping around. That’s what we want. If we like it we’ll stay around and eventually cave.” I looked at him, completely surprised and my only answer was “I’m not like that.”  Thing is, I’ve been on tinder, I’ve hooked up with people, and done stuff with them (well, him). After that experience, I don’t want to merely hook up.

I want to date. I want to be taken out to the movies, then dinner or vice versa. I don’t care. I like road trips and being asked about my day (but not to a point that it’s over 5 calls in one day). I like to be wooed and having casual hook ups doesn’t give me that. Yes, there’s the occasional compliment and intent of wooing from the creepiest guy in OkCupid or POF, but that doesn’t cut it. That is not enough for me. I’ve been single for way too long and the guys I’ve seen throughout the years have shown me what I don’t want.

I want a guy who cares enough to find out what I like and surprise me dedicating a song that he knows could easily become my favorite or already is (I have a huge list of songs I wish guys would dedicate to me). I don’t want the guy who hides when things get somewhat real (has happened twice). Nor the guy who has a girlfriend and thinks I’m stupid enough to not notice. I want the guy who goes out of his way to see me and not the other way around. I don’t want to be the one having to text, call or snapchat to make sure he’s alive. I’m tired of being the one putting my ass on the line trying to make something that’s clearly not meant to be, be. Trying to make a guy I have probably already fallen for, and obviously not admitting it, fall for me.

I’m tired of being just an option and not the one and only. I miss being the center of attention of one guy who’s falling for me, slowly but surely. I miss that. I miss the rush you get when he calls, when he rings the bell or texts you to come down when you are still wearing pj’s. I miss being looked at like I was the most precious thing in the world and having the feeling that whenever I’m with him, everything will be alright.

Some might say that’s love, but for me that’s what falling feels like. And it’s the scariest shit ever. I know that next time I get that feeling I won’t get scared and run away. I will stay and accept it. Because honestly, I’m starting to believe Karma is getting back at me for running when I had something good, just because of fear.

I’m not going to look for this on Tinder, POF, Match, eHarmony or any dating app. I will try to wait for it to come naturally and if it doesn’t, I’ll consider arranged marriage.

Toodles,

Love Wins…

Just a quick post about this.

I have never been prouder of the US government as I am today. \

I have never seen friends, family and the entire LGBT community soo happy. It makes me happier too.. Means more weddings in the horizon and I LOVE WEDDINGS (fairy tales come to life).

So all I’m saying is.. I’m very proud of the grand amount of positive feedback that this has received.. Now it’s not marriage equality.. it’s just marriage..

GOOD NIGHT LOVELIES!!

TOODLES!