Good Morning…

It’s 3:30am on a Friday…

Hell of an hour to decide to start your own blog, right? Well, yeah, if you just casually woke up around 2am and can’t go back to sleep…

I’ve never been much of a blogger and I never really kept a journal, but I’ve decided to do this to keep my sanity. The stories you will read here are not made up, they will be 100% authentic (except for names and locations won’t be mentioned to keep the anonymity). Regardless, I will still introduce myself.

First of all, Hi. Good morning to all of you early birds out there. I’m 23 years old and I’ve never had a serious relationship, never been in love and can’t really say much about my sex life. For a girl, in this day and age, this is unlikely to ever happen. But I’m a potato and life has made me this way.

Usually, whenever I decide to write is because there’s something I can’t really decide upon and apparently this helps. So here it goes, my problem:

Like I said before, I can’t really say much about a sex life, cause honest to God I didn’t have a recurrent one until like a few days ago. My love life has gone downhill since 2010 and well, a serious relationship has never come along. Being completely honest, none of my “first times” were with someone I felt something for (except bf… I really liked that guy). My first kiss was with this boy who cheated on his girlfriend with me (got to second base, wtf is my problem, seriously; first kiss and we’re rolling on the floor and on a bed making out?) My first time having sex was the same thing, but a little different. I actually felt something for the guy, before it happened. I was over his bullshit by the time i was like “you know what? fuck this shit, let’s get it over with”  to only be more disgusted by his personality afterwards.

Now, I know you might be thinking: “This girl has terrible taste in men”.  NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!. I’ve known this since the 8th grade when I had my first real crush on a boy my age who was a compete asshole and called me a fat bitch, I was hung up on him for the entire following year. After that, all my crushes were from another school and always manwhores who were always incredible nice to me or boys who would never give me the time of day. Yet, I tried everything to get them to notice me.

My favorite crush was a huge manwhore. Oh honey, you are a gem. This manchild, gorgeous manchild, was hooking up with someone I knew and had a girlfriend. By this time, I knew better. I didn’t even try to get with him so we actually became friends, although in his mind this meant “let’s try to fuck her”. But my dignity is well placed and I never did anything with him no matter how hard it was not to.

Then came along someone we will call A. A was and will forever be one of my biggest what if’s. Why he will stay like that forever you may ask? Because the potato that I am fell for the biggest mind game of all (crazy ex girlfriend finds out the weird, almost but not yet relationship you guys had, pretends to go through the same thing with him at the same time while crying and saying he’s the worst man ever and me being so smart fell for that little act and told her to dump him and told her about my rocky road with him and his crazyness). So he sent me to hell cause I fucked up his chances with that girl, gave me an ultimatum on our friendship if i didn’t lie to her and I didn’t so we haven’t said a word to each other since.  A has his issues, and I truly thought I could be his savior, so I went through that phase too (with the usual giving up on him and then regaining hope) .. YAY..

While I was on that awesome rocky road with A, I met B. B is the dickhead i gave it to. The dickhead whom I have so much in common with is frightening. It’s like he could really be my soulmate but then he’s a complicated fucktard. We hung out everyday for a week… everything was great and then he just stopped. Few months later we started fooling around, cause apparently I like being with douchbags even if it’s not serious and just to actually BE with him in a way, with secret hopes of changing his no-commitment mind. After fooling around twice we stopped, cause he was being an asshole again. And then came that fateful day when I was like fuck it.. and fucked him. I must say, although his penis and body are literally perfect, he does not understand how a female body functions an he’s terrible in bed. Sorry not sorry.

See how amazing my taste in men is.

Ok so I will skip a weirdo from a two day make out sesh (best kiss in my life), and go directly to the last guy i liked. We will call him C. C is, how can I explain?Charming, a gentleman, caring and everything you read in books of how a man should be. With a “bit” of asshole on the side. 

And now, to end my awesome repertoire of men whom I’ve liked, kissed, and unfortunately fucked, let’s talk about D.

D has made me realize I’m ready to get into something remotely serious. AND DEFINITELY NOT WITH HIM. D is the guy who ended my dry spell and makes me wish that I still were in it. Have you ever been with someone who no matter how many times you tell them you don’t like something they keep on doing it? Even when you’re trembling in pain because he does not know how to gently touch a vagina? I’m sorry if you read this but honestly D, I cannot follow this “fuck buddy” relationship when I really can’t stand you. I mean you’re nice but there’s just something about you… ugh. I can’t have a decent conversation with the guy and I’m very talkative and I mean dude, there’s more to life than work, or school. There’s a bunch of topics you can cover with a person and I have only been able to cover 2 because apparently he has Patrick Star for a brain.

Seriously, this dude is so vain. I’m actually ending the fuck buddy thing today. I can’t deal with people like him.. nope..

So yeah. It took me about 2 hours to finish this. I am now hungry, clearly in need of sleep, but debating whether i should go grab some frosted flakes or try to get some shut eye.


This is just the beginning. Follow me and read about my “oh-so-eventful life” and laugh about how much of a potato I really am.

Toodles!

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