Curiosity did not kill the cat

Like I mentioned on a previous post, I always wanted to know why people cheat. So, I went ahead and asked people I had never asked before. I must admit that some answers were expected but some, blew my mind. Guys, thank you so much for your answers and not feeling annoyed by my out-of-place questioning.

The following are the answers I so desperately wanted…

  1. “Because we’re assholes. To me, infidelity requires two things:  A motive and a justification. Your partner gives you a motive and you justify your actions. For example: Your partner doesn’t understand you anymore. No matter how much you try she doesn’t show as much interest as she did before, and then this other girl comes into your life that gives you  the attention your girlfriend isn’t giving you anymore and you feel attracted towards her  just like she is towards you, there’s nothing else to do. it just happens”
  2. “As far as I know, people cheat for different reasons. But they are all sort of the same. Some do it because they are not getting entirely what they’d like from a relationship, but they are not strong enough to say ‘Let’s end this cause it’s not working’. There are fuckers who cheat for sport, because they don’t give a shit. And some people are in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong amount of alcohol and/or drugs in their system”
  3. “Basically, us men… we’re idiots
  4. “Revenge; tired of monotony; they can’t satisfy their libido, so they look for other partners; one crazy night; or because you know you can’t have that person but you still want to “
  5. ” Well, love, based on my analysis men cheat for two reasons: the first is because his girl stopped caring and isn’t paying as much attention as she used to; the second is sport. By that I mean that they do it simply for the thrill it gives them, and so their friends see that they can get as many girls they want. And then there’s just the girls that throw themselves at you but that doesn’t happen as much as the two I just mentioned.”
  6. “First time I cheated, I was 15. That was the first time in my life were i was really talking to girls. I wasn’t scared of girls anymore I was more ‘grown up’, I had the balls to talk to girls, and in a guys pov it’s like experimenting, it’s something new to you. It’s girls you find cute, you’re talking to them, you want to, I don’t know, it’s like fun. Not to cheat on them, talking to girls was fun. So yeah what came came and I didn’t think much of it. But every relationship is different, I don’t think there’s an specific reason….Relationships have a flow. If you go through a rocky patch or whatever and this girl comes into your life and shes like saying all the perfect things then, you know, you might feel closer to her. Thing is, there’s no such thing as loyalty in a relationship. You’re with somebody because they make you feel happy, good. Now, if you’re in a relationship because you’ve been with her but in the last couple months it’s been stressful and the right girl comes in with the right words and actions and makes you feel like a man, you might or might not cheat and regret it afterwards.Cause sometimes you’re in a relationship and everything is exciting  but after time passes you get to this comfort zone and sometimes things get boring and you start second guessing, and things might happen and sometimes girls and boys are straight up hoes.”
  7. “I’ve only cheated once. It was an adrenaline rush. But then i felt bad. Reaaallly bad. I had just found out I had been cheated on, so it was like a revenge fuck. But I felt really bad afterwards, so I’ve never done it again. But in my experience, that’s what it feels like. Like the pain becomes adrenaline... like when you do something exciting”
  8. “Immaturity. We are so distanced from the concept of love that any momentary display of affection, doesn’t matter how dishonest it may be, we see it as a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that is guiding us towards what we really want. Most people don’t know the difference between love, lust, crushes, obsession, etc.. That’s why  you’re only faithful when you find that person that you truly love
  9. Validation. Knowing that you are desired by other women that the one who you feel only fucks you out of obligation.”

I hope this answers some of your own questions and doubts.

Love you all.

TOODLES!

-Alice Ayres

Searching for Perfection

Perfection is, broadly, a state of completeness and flawlessness.

In other words, it does not exist. So, why do most of us keep on looking for that perfect other half that will make our lives complete?

To me, the perfect man would have to resemble Nick Jonas, Matt Bomer and Adam Levine. Meaning, broad shoulders, perfect jawline, perfect teeth, great smile and a few more attributes that equal to UNREAL.

But what do we really want? Is it really the perfect mix of those silver screen hotties? Those sexy athletes that take our breath away? Or is it just the average boy that might just have at least one of our crazy unreachable expectations?

Most of us claim to be attracted to tall, dark, handsome men. But what if one day we end up infatuated by that short clumsy guy  that sits at the end of the class?

I’m not talking by personal experience, but by simply curiosity. I’m a girl and I don’t know what I want. Most guys will be yelling “FINALLY” as soon as they read this. But let’s face it, I’m speaking of the truth.

Most of us really don’t know what we want. We say we do, but I, myself, have to admit that I can be more confusing and challenging than a Rubix Cube. I really have no clue of what I look for in a guy. Boys with the “bad boy” vibe really catch my eye, but the ones that are sweet and nice, even kinda nerdy, are good enough to make the cut.

I can’t deny that I wish my prince charming will come, but as Taylor Swift says “ I’m not a princess and this ain’t a fairy tale”. Disney is to blame for these crazy, prince charming ideas, that are stuck in our heads since we were kids. Girls, we must get rid of that delusional idea, and become realistic about this situation.

Prince Charming can come in rags instead of riches, as a frog instead of a handsome human being or as Prince Charming himself.  Some of us need to kiss a long line of frogs until we find the one that turns into the man of our dreams. Some of us are lucky enough to find it right away. But most of us just keep on kissing those wart-covered frogs, cause we are to blinded to see that all we need might be just in front of us disguised as the discombobulated little frog.

So why have all these crazy, irrelevant expectations? Why be blind folded by the beauty or the pocket? Why not just look further and get to know people better, instead of judging only by first impressions?

The 7 Stages of (Relationship) Grief

Tonight I write upon request. A request for a topic that,luckily,I can relate to.

I have an amazing, gorgeous friend who loves love and is just like me, going from one sad excuse of a man to the other. Even though we’re a couple hundred miles apart right now, he knows I’m still there for him with my blunt outbursts of reality.He recently came to me with boy trouble and as soon as we ended our conversation he asked for me to write about it.

I was a bit reluctant at first. Now, at midnight and with no sleep in the horizon, I got the inspiration to write about this.

I’ll be frank. Most of us hopeless romantics see what we want to see where there’s nothing. We meet this “wonderful” guy, talk to him on a daily basis and even have cute nicknames for each other. We start to secretly hope that “this is is the one” and think that “finally my family will stop asking me if I’m thinking about joining a convent”. Few weeks pass and to us, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL, everything is going at a perfect pace. Just to have our dreams crushed and all our hopes thrown down the drain.

Usually, we go through, what I call, the stages of relationship grief. These are sort of like the stages of grief we normally go through but more realistic to what goes around in our heads when something doesn’t work out. (*Disclaimer: I made this up myself, if it has any resemble to anything remotely similar out there, I apologize….)

Some people skip a few of these (from what I’ve seen) But we all go through this..

  • Denial

This happens when everything is going downhill. We see the signs but we don’t want to accept it. We vent to our friends about how much of an ass he’s being, and how bad everything seems to be and that you’ll give him a chance at it. BAD IDEA.

  • Doubting ourselves

This is honestly one of the worst things we do when something doesn’t work out. We start questioning ourselves and start looking for things WE might have done wrong. The most frequent thoughts we have are: “Could it be that I demanded too much attention”; “Did I smother him too much?”; “I should’ve put out when I had the chance, right?”; “Why did I put out so fast?”;”I talk to much”; “did i bore him?”; “i’m just too fat”; “could it be something I said?” and so on. These are infinite.

Doubting ourselves is harmful for us. Yes, being rejected can be a blow to our self-esteem but it doesn’t have to be that way.

  • Over-analyzing

And I mean EVERYTHING. Every outing, every hang out at either one’s house. Every call, every text. Even mentions. You start analyzing his behavior when you guys hung out with his friends and thing he said to you when you were alone. EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. Just to know where did it go wrong or if he ever gave off some vibe that explains his current non-commitment behavior.

  • Stalking

We’ve all done this. We check his every move to see if he’s with another girl/guy. Who is this person and is this hussy prettier than you. You casually drive by his house or his job and keep an eye on his social media feed 24/7. THIS IS SCARY. But hey, we all go through this. Happens more when there’s no closure.

  • Relapse

“You ever hear the one about the junkie who was satisfied with just one hit of the good stuff?”

Oh our dearest frenemy. This bitch of a stage makes it all difficult. If we fall for this one, we have to start all over again and it suuuucks.. It becomes a vicious cycle. “I’ll give him another chance” “I know he’s changed” “he wont do it again, he promised” “He is in a better place in his life right now” “maybe this time we’ll do it right” and the best of them all… “It’s just to hook up”.. no matter which one we use, RELAPSE IS RELAPSE.

  • Wallow

This I learned from Gilmore Girls. WE ALWAYS NEED TO WALLOW. Cry a little.. or a lot. Your choice. Crying is cathartic. It is good for the soul and it takes you right to next step. This is what we all should do from the beginning but noooo, we are women/men who need to torture ourselves.

  • Best thing I never had(ACCEPTANCE)

Cause it sucks to be him right now, right? This is the final stage and my favorite. I rather be going through this stage than doubting myself. Although, this one does mask the other. Here is when you are at the point were the fact that this douchebag rejected you does not phase you. You’re at that place where you know you’re better off without him and he’s missing out. He’s the one that’s going to be regretting leaving someone as great as you for someone that doesn’t have shit on you, while you are doing you and meeting men who will make him look like that bacteria that lives in the darkest spot of the ocean inside the ass of a dead sharks carcass..

Like I said before, not everyone goes through all of these stages. I usually skip right to acceptance and so does my lovely GBF.   Word of advice to you, my lovely readers, is to hold on when this happens. Rejection feels horrible, but it makes us stronger and helps us obtain more clarity as to what we really want in life, what we yearn for. So be strong and remember, you are the most beautiful person on earth and that one person doesn’t like you how you wish they did, is completely and absolutely irrelevant.

Love you all..

Toodles!

Thoughts..

“If you want it to eventually end up as a relationship, you have to start hooking up”

That was the advice i got from my friends boyfriend. He told me, and I quote “get on tinder and start sleeping around. That’s what we want. If we like it we’ll stay around and eventually cave.” I looked at him, completely surprised and my only answer was “I’m not like that.”  Thing is, I’ve been on tinder, I’ve hooked up with people, and done stuff with them (well, him). After that experience, I don’t want to merely hook up.

I want to date. I want to be taken out to the movies, then dinner or vice versa. I don’t care. I like road trips and being asked about my day (but not to a point that it’s over 5 calls in one day). I like to be wooed and having casual hook ups doesn’t give me that. Yes, there’s the occasional compliment and intent of wooing from the creepiest guy in OkCupid or POF, but that doesn’t cut it. That is not enough for me. I’ve been single for way too long and the guys I’ve seen throughout the years have shown me what I don’t want.

I want a guy who cares enough to find out what I like and surprise me dedicating a song that he knows could easily become my favorite or already is (I have a huge list of songs I wish guys would dedicate to me). I don’t want the guy who hides when things get somewhat real (has happened twice). Nor the guy who has a girlfriend and thinks I’m stupid enough to not notice. I want the guy who goes out of his way to see me and not the other way around. I don’t want to be the one having to text, call or snapchat to make sure he’s alive. I’m tired of being the one putting my ass on the line trying to make something that’s clearly not meant to be, be. Trying to make a guy I have probably already fallen for, and obviously not admitting it, fall for me.

I’m tired of being just an option and not the one and only. I miss being the center of attention of one guy who’s falling for me, slowly but surely. I miss that. I miss the rush you get when he calls, when he rings the bell or texts you to come down when you are still wearing pj’s. I miss being looked at like I was the most precious thing in the world and having the feeling that whenever I’m with him, everything will be alright.

Some might say that’s love, but for me that’s what falling feels like. And it’s the scariest shit ever. I know that next time I get that feeling I won’t get scared and run away. I will stay and accept it. Because honestly, I’m starting to believe Karma is getting back at me for running when I had something good, just because of fear.

I’m not going to look for this on Tinder, POF, Match, eHarmony or any dating app. I will try to wait for it to come naturally and if it doesn’t, I’ll consider arranged marriage.

Toodles,