I think this has become sort of a routine. A girl who is clearly not a relationship expert talks and vents about relationships, and the lack of one. I guess that throughout the years I have learned so much vicariously that I can, or at least try to, give some decent advice. So here I go again, venting about how stupid and deceitful some men are.
Disclaimer: this is still about my dear friend (see 7 stages of relationship grief)
I have learned that not having things clear with your significant other can be treacherous. Why? Because you’re in the limbo, the ball is on their court and anything that happens doesn’t matter because “We’re not in a relationship”. The best example for this is the “We were on a break” situation between Ross and Rachel. Rachel never really said it was a simply a break, a time-out, NOT A BREAK UP, but to Ross that’s exactly what it was. He truly believed they had broken up, therefor he went ahead and had rebound sex with the copy-girl with the belly button ring. If things had been clear since the beginning, we wouldn’t have heard Ross yelling “WE WERE ON A BREAK” for all seasons to come.
This happens all the time and that’s why I like to have things clear since day one. I like to know if we’re just friends, if this is just to get to know each other to see were it might go, or if in the back of his mind he’s just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and fuck me. Some of my friends tell me that this scares men off. My response is “It keeps me sane”. It keeps me sane because knowing exactly what is expected doesn’t make me second guess everything and overthink his texts and stops me from trying to find hidden meanings in our conversations. It let’s me know exactly what’s going down and that way can make a decision about it.
Having things clear from the beginning might’ve been the best thing for my buddy. He did get things sort of clear at some point but he still had a Ross and Rachel going on. His SO (they were dating, nothing official yet), admitted he cheated, twice, and used the lame excuse that the other guy kissed him. Something I should mention about this situation is that my friend’s SO was in the other guys beach house for the weekend. This is were I went ” DUDE..SERIOUSLY?!”
First of all, if I knew a guy was throwing himself at me and I WAS NOT INTERESTED, I would’ve never even considered spending a weekend at his beach house, no matter how pretty the beach house is. If i were to consider it, I would’ve taken someone else with me, maybe even my SO if I had one. I knew this was going down since before it happened. My buddy told me about the other dude’s advances and how he had seen some texts and that his SO was like “I’m with #$#@( now”. So, yeah he was sort of respectful over the texts, this is why he trusted him about it.
My buddy being the proud man he is, told him that whatever they had was beautiful while it lasted but it was over now. He stood his ground and I’m proud of him. But this son of a bitch responds with “we’re not in a relationship” then he adds “It’s not going to happen again, I swear” and the best one yet “Sleep on it I’ll see you Thursday when I get back.My buddy was smart and said no more and ended it right then and there. Honestly, if I were to see this douchebag in person I would hit him with so much emotional pain he will probably end up wishing that I’d be kicking his ass instead.
Sometimes I wonder what really goes on a person’s mind when they cheat and I wish i could get someone’s point of view about it but some people are so touchy about the subject. I sit here like “you’re my friend, I know you cheat” and they look all offended and act like they have never done such things. Whatever let’s you sleep at night, buddy. But yeah, this is just me procrastinating instead of doing something productive, and obviously letting go of some deep hatred I have towards some people right now.
Have a great night!