Curiosity did not kill the cat

Like I mentioned on a previous post, I always wanted to know why people cheat. So, I went ahead and asked people I had never asked before. I must admit that some answers were expected but some, blew my mind. Guys, thank you so much for your answers and not feeling annoyed by my out-of-place questioning.

The following are the answers I so desperately wanted…

  1. “Because we’re assholes. To me, infidelity requires two things:  A motive and a justification. Your partner gives you a motive and you justify your actions. For example: Your partner doesn’t understand you anymore. No matter how much you try she doesn’t show as much interest as she did before, and then this other girl comes into your life that gives you  the attention your girlfriend isn’t giving you anymore and you feel attracted towards her  just like she is towards you, there’s nothing else to do. it just happens”
  2. “As far as I know, people cheat for different reasons. But they are all sort of the same. Some do it because they are not getting entirely what they’d like from a relationship, but they are not strong enough to say ‘Let’s end this cause it’s not working’. There are fuckers who cheat for sport, because they don’t give a shit. And some people are in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong amount of alcohol and/or drugs in their system”
  3. “Basically, us men… we’re idiots
  4. “Revenge; tired of monotony; they can’t satisfy their libido, so they look for other partners; one crazy night; or because you know you can’t have that person but you still want to “
  5. ” Well, love, based on my analysis men cheat for two reasons: the first is because his girl stopped caring and isn’t paying as much attention as she used to; the second is sport. By that I mean that they do it simply for the thrill it gives them, and so their friends see that they can get as many girls they want. And then there’s just the girls that throw themselves at you but that doesn’t happen as much as the two I just mentioned.”
  6. “First time I cheated, I was 15. That was the first time in my life were i was really talking to girls. I wasn’t scared of girls anymore I was more ‘grown up’, I had the balls to talk to girls, and in a guys pov it’s like experimenting, it’s something new to you. It’s girls you find cute, you’re talking to them, you want to, I don’t know, it’s like fun. Not to cheat on them, talking to girls was fun. So yeah what came came and I didn’t think much of it. But every relationship is different, I don’t think there’s an specific reason….Relationships have a flow. If you go through a rocky patch or whatever and this girl comes into your life and shes like saying all the perfect things then, you know, you might feel closer to her. Thing is, there’s no such thing as loyalty in a relationship. You’re with somebody because they make you feel happy, good. Now, if you’re in a relationship because you’ve been with her but in the last couple months it’s been stressful and the right girl comes in with the right words and actions and makes you feel like a man, you might or might not cheat and regret it afterwards.Cause sometimes you’re in a relationship and everything is exciting  but after time passes you get to this comfort zone and sometimes things get boring and you start second guessing, and things might happen and sometimes girls and boys are straight up hoes.”
  7. “I’ve only cheated once. It was an adrenaline rush. But then i felt bad. Reaaallly bad. I had just found out I had been cheated on, so it was like a revenge fuck. But I felt really bad afterwards, so I’ve never done it again. But in my experience, that’s what it feels like. Like the pain becomes adrenaline... like when you do something exciting”
  8. “Immaturity. We are so distanced from the concept of love that any momentary display of affection, doesn’t matter how dishonest it may be, we see it as a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that is guiding us towards what we really want. Most people don’t know the difference between love, lust, crushes, obsession, etc.. That’s why  you’re only faithful when you find that person that you truly love
  9. Validation. Knowing that you are desired by other women that the one who you feel only fucks you out of obligation.”

I hope this answers some of your own questions and doubts.

Love you all.

TOODLES!

-Alice Ayres

Dude.. Seriously?!

I think this has become sort of a routine. A girl who is clearly not a relationship expert talks and vents about relationships, and the lack of one. I guess that throughout the years I have learned so much vicariously that I can, or at least try to, give some decent advice. So here I go again, venting about how stupid and deceitful some men are.

Disclaimer: this is still about my dear friend (see 7 stages of relationship grief)

I have learned that not having things clear with your significant other can be treacherous. Why? Because you’re in the limbo, the ball is on their court and anything that happens doesn’t matter because “We’re not in a relationship”. The best example for this is the “We were on a break” situation between Ross and Rachel. Rachel never really said it was a simply a break, a time-out, NOT A BREAK UP, but to Ross that’s exactly what it was. He truly believed they had broken up, therefor he went ahead and had rebound sex with the copy-girl with the belly button ring. If things had been clear since the beginning, we wouldn’t have heard Ross yelling “WE WERE ON A BREAK” for all seasons to come.

This happens all the time and that’s why I like to have things clear since day one. I like to know if we’re just friends, if this is just to get to know each other to see were it might go, or if in the back of his mind he’s just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and fuck me. Some of my friends tell me that this scares men off. My response is “It keeps me sane”. It keeps me sane because knowing exactly what is expected doesn’t make me second guess everything and overthink his texts and stops me from trying to find hidden meanings in our conversations. It let’s me know exactly what’s going down and that way  can make a decision about it.

Having things clear from the beginning might’ve been the best thing for my buddy. He did get things sort of clear at some point but he still had a Ross and Rachel going on. His SO (they were dating, nothing official yet), admitted he cheated, twice, and used the lame excuse that the other guy kissed him. Something I should mention about this situation is that my friend’s SO was in the other guys beach house for the weekend.  This is were I went ” DUDE..SERIOUSLY?!”

First of all, if I knew a guy was throwing himself at me and I WAS NOT INTERESTED, I would’ve never even considered spending a weekend at his beach house, no matter how pretty the beach house is. If i were to consider it, I would’ve taken someone else with me, maybe even my SO if  I had one. I knew this was going down since before it happened. My buddy told me about the other dude’s advances and how he had seen some texts and that his SO was like “I’m with #$#@( now”. So, yeah he was sort of respectful over the texts, this is why he trusted him about it.

My buddy being the proud man he is, told him that whatever they had was beautiful while it lasted but it was over now. He stood his ground and I’m proud of him. But this son of a bitch responds with “we’re not in a relationship” then he adds “It’s not going to happen again, I swear” and the best one yet “Sleep on it I’ll see you Thursday when I get back.My buddy was smart and said no more and ended it right then and there. Honestly, if I were to see this douchebag in person I would hit him with so much emotional pain he will probably end up wishing that I’d be kicking his ass instead.

Sometimes I wonder what really goes on a person’s mind when they cheat and I wish i could get someone’s point of view about it but some people are so touchy about the subject. I sit here like “you’re my friend, I know you cheat” and they look all offended and act like they have never done such things. Whatever let’s you sleep at night, buddy.  But yeah, this is just me procrastinating instead of doing something productive, and obviously letting go of some deep hatred I have towards some people right now.

Have a great night!

Toodles,