The 7 Stages of (Relationship) Grief

Tonight I write upon request. A request for a topic that,luckily,I can relate to.

I have an amazing, gorgeous friend who loves love and is just like me, going from one sad excuse of a man to the other. Even though we’re a couple hundred miles apart right now, he knows I’m still there for him with my blunt outbursts of reality.He recently came to me with boy trouble and as soon as we ended our conversation he asked for me to write about it.

I was a bit reluctant at first. Now, at midnight and with no sleep in the horizon, I got the inspiration to write about this.

I’ll be frank. Most of us hopeless romantics see what we want to see where there’s nothing. We meet this “wonderful” guy, talk to him on a daily basis and even have cute nicknames for each other. We start to secretly hope that “this is is the one” and think that “finally my family will stop asking me if I’m thinking about joining a convent”. Few weeks pass and to us, EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL, everything is going at a perfect pace. Just to have our dreams crushed and all our hopes thrown down the drain.

Usually, we go through, what I call, the stages of relationship grief. These are sort of like the stages of grief we normally go through but more realistic to what goes around in our heads when something doesn’t work out. (*Disclaimer: I made this up myself, if it has any resemble to anything remotely similar out there, I apologize….)

Some people skip a few of these (from what I’ve seen) But we all go through this..

  • Denial

This happens when everything is going downhill. We see the signs but we don’t want to accept it. We vent to our friends about how much of an ass he’s being, and how bad everything seems to be and that you’ll give him a chance at it. BAD IDEA.

  • Doubting ourselves

This is honestly one of the worst things we do when something doesn’t work out. We start questioning ourselves and start looking for things WE might have done wrong. The most frequent thoughts we have are: “Could it be that I demanded too much attention”; “Did I smother him too much?”; “I should’ve put out when I had the chance, right?”; “Why did I put out so fast?”;”I talk to much”; “did i bore him?”; “i’m just too fat”; “could it be something I said?” and so on. These are infinite.

Doubting ourselves is harmful for us. Yes, being rejected can be a blow to our self-esteem but it doesn’t have to be that way.

  • Over-analyzing

And I mean EVERYTHING. Every outing, every hang out at either one’s house. Every call, every text. Even mentions. You start analyzing his behavior when you guys hung out with his friends and thing he said to you when you were alone. EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. Just to know where did it go wrong or if he ever gave off some vibe that explains his current non-commitment behavior.

  • Stalking

We’ve all done this. We check his every move to see if he’s with another girl/guy. Who is this person and is this hussy prettier than you. You casually drive by his house or his job and keep an eye on his social media feed 24/7. THIS IS SCARY. But hey, we all go through this. Happens more when there’s no closure.

  • Relapse

“You ever hear the one about the junkie who was satisfied with just one hit of the good stuff?”

Oh our dearest frenemy. This bitch of a stage makes it all difficult. If we fall for this one, we have to start all over again and it suuuucks.. It becomes a vicious cycle. “I’ll give him another chance” “I know he’s changed” “he wont do it again, he promised” “He is in a better place in his life right now” “maybe this time we’ll do it right” and the best of them all… “It’s just to hook up”.. no matter which one we use, RELAPSE IS RELAPSE.

  • Wallow

This I learned from Gilmore Girls. WE ALWAYS NEED TO WALLOW. Cry a little.. or a lot. Your choice. Crying is cathartic. It is good for the soul and it takes you right to next step. This is what we all should do from the beginning but noooo, we are women/men who need to torture ourselves.

  • Best thing I never had(ACCEPTANCE)

Cause it sucks to be him right now, right? This is the final stage and my favorite. I rather be going through this stage than doubting myself. Although, this one does mask the other. Here is when you are at the point were the fact that this douchebag rejected you does not phase you. You’re at that place where you know you’re better off without him and he’s missing out. He’s the one that’s going to be regretting leaving someone as great as you for someone that doesn’t have shit on you, while you are doing you and meeting men who will make him look like that bacteria that lives in the darkest spot of the ocean inside the ass of a dead sharks carcass..

Like I said before, not everyone goes through all of these stages. I usually skip right to acceptance and so does my lovely GBF.   Word of advice to you, my lovely readers, is to hold on when this happens. Rejection feels horrible, but it makes us stronger and helps us obtain more clarity as to what we really want in life, what we yearn for. So be strong and remember, you are the most beautiful person on earth and that one person doesn’t like you how you wish they did, is completely and absolutely irrelevant.

Love you all..

Toodles!

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Thoughts..

“If you want it to eventually end up as a relationship, you have to start hooking up”

That was the advice i got from my friends boyfriend. He told me, and I quote “get on tinder and start sleeping around. That’s what we want. If we like it we’ll stay around and eventually cave.” I looked at him, completely surprised and my only answer was “I’m not like that.”  Thing is, I’ve been on tinder, I’ve hooked up with people, and done stuff with them (well, him). After that experience, I don’t want to merely hook up.

I want to date. I want to be taken out to the movies, then dinner or vice versa. I don’t care. I like road trips and being asked about my day (but not to a point that it’s over 5 calls in one day). I like to be wooed and having casual hook ups doesn’t give me that. Yes, there’s the occasional compliment and intent of wooing from the creepiest guy in OkCupid or POF, but that doesn’t cut it. That is not enough for me. I’ve been single for way too long and the guys I’ve seen throughout the years have shown me what I don’t want.

I want a guy who cares enough to find out what I like and surprise me dedicating a song that he knows could easily become my favorite or already is (I have a huge list of songs I wish guys would dedicate to me). I don’t want the guy who hides when things get somewhat real (has happened twice). Nor the guy who has a girlfriend and thinks I’m stupid enough to not notice. I want the guy who goes out of his way to see me and not the other way around. I don’t want to be the one having to text, call or snapchat to make sure he’s alive. I’m tired of being the one putting my ass on the line trying to make something that’s clearly not meant to be, be. Trying to make a guy I have probably already fallen for, and obviously not admitting it, fall for me.

I’m tired of being just an option and not the one and only. I miss being the center of attention of one guy who’s falling for me, slowly but surely. I miss that. I miss the rush you get when he calls, when he rings the bell or texts you to come down when you are still wearing pj’s. I miss being looked at like I was the most precious thing in the world and having the feeling that whenever I’m with him, everything will be alright.

Some might say that’s love, but for me that’s what falling feels like. And it’s the scariest shit ever. I know that next time I get that feeling I won’t get scared and run away. I will stay and accept it. Because honestly, I’m starting to believe Karma is getting back at me for running when I had something good, just because of fear.

I’m not going to look for this on Tinder, POF, Match, eHarmony or any dating app. I will try to wait for it to come naturally and if it doesn’t, I’ll consider arranged marriage.

Toodles,

Love Wins…

Just a quick post about this.

I have never been prouder of the US government as I am today. \

I have never seen friends, family and the entire LGBT community soo happy. It makes me happier too.. Means more weddings in the horizon and I LOVE WEDDINGS (fairy tales come to life).

So all I’m saying is.. I’m very proud of the grand amount of positive feedback that this has received.. Now it’s not marriage equality.. it’s just marriage..

GOOD NIGHT LOVELIES!!

TOODLES!

Little Miss Impulsive

Webster’s dictionary defines Impulsive as doing things or tending to do things suddenly and without careful thought.. in other words acting or tending to act on impulse.

If you know me well, impulsive is the first word that comes to mind when asked to describe me.

I must admit that my impulsiveness isn’t really something done regularly but rather momentarily, nope… Situational, definitely situational. Why? Because I act upon my emotions. Doesn’t matter what happens.. I always end up doing something impulsive.

Like for example:

 Let’s go back to B. Like I said, B is a complicated fucktard. First time we had issues, I deleted him from my address book. I didn’t want to have his number at hand, because knowing me and my eternal weakness to assholes, I would end up calling or texting him. Eventually, and I am sad to admit, I added him again to my address book. He texted me and I added his number. So we were back to ground zero: me trying to get him to want a relationship again. Once again we had a situation, right after fooling around twice. This time, I erased him from the following: Facebook, Instagram and my address book… AGAIN. Months passed and came the fateful day. He texted me through snapchat.. We hung out shit happened he became a dickhead again… GONE FROM MY LIFE FOREVER… until once again he texted me and tried to do something again, but then decided it was best or us to stop contact all together.. He beat me to the punch.

Now C. C is really something. We had an issue and I got so pissed that I erased him from my life, except Snapchat. I can’t erase people from there, it’s my only way to show them that IDGAF about what happened and I’m Ok.. or at least pretend. So yeah, I erased him from everywhere, pictures we took, I got rid of it all. I didn’t want anything from him or that reminded me of him. So now, I regret doing that. Why? I looked damn good in those pictures and I want them back, but besides that.. Those are memories I want to keep..

 

With A, it’s different. I want to say I’m sorry, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. I miss him, he was one of my best friends and I confided in him. But he hates me now and I don’t know what to do. It’s too late anyway..

I know this is short and not as funny as the first post. But I needed to let this out of my chest. It’s good to talk about how I feel about myself, and I rather write down my feelings instead of going out and doing something crazy.

Toodles.

Good Morning…

It’s 3:30am on a Friday…

Hell of an hour to decide to start your own blog, right? Well, yeah, if you just casually woke up around 2am and can’t go back to sleep…

I’ve never been much of a blogger and I never really kept a journal, but I’ve decided to do this to keep my sanity. The stories you will read here are not made up, they will be 100% authentic (except for names and locations won’t be mentioned to keep the anonymity). Regardless, I will still introduce myself.

First of all, Hi. Good morning to all of you early birds out there. I’m 23 years old and I’ve never had a serious relationship, never been in love and can’t really say much about my sex life. For a girl, in this day and age, this is unlikely to ever happen. But I’m a potato and life has made me this way.

Usually, whenever I decide to write is because there’s something I can’t really decide upon and apparently this helps. So here it goes, my problem:

Like I said before, I can’t really say much about a sex life, cause honest to God I didn’t have a recurrent one until like a few days ago. My love life has gone downhill since 2010 and well, a serious relationship has never come along. Being completely honest, none of my “first times” were with someone I felt something for (except bf… I really liked that guy). My first kiss was with this boy who cheated on his girlfriend with me (got to second base, wtf is my problem, seriously; first kiss and we’re rolling on the floor and on a bed making out?) My first time having sex was the same thing, but a little different. I actually felt something for the guy, before it happened. I was over his bullshit by the time i was like “you know what? fuck this shit, let’s get it over with”  to only be more disgusted by his personality afterwards.

Now, I know you might be thinking: “This girl has terrible taste in men”.  NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!. I’ve known this since the 8th grade when I had my first real crush on a boy my age who was a compete asshole and called me a fat bitch, I was hung up on him for the entire following year. After that, all my crushes were from another school and always manwhores who were always incredible nice to me or boys who would never give me the time of day. Yet, I tried everything to get them to notice me.

My favorite crush was a huge manwhore. Oh honey, you are a gem. This manchild, gorgeous manchild, was hooking up with someone I knew and had a girlfriend. By this time, I knew better. I didn’t even try to get with him so we actually became friends, although in his mind this meant “let’s try to fuck her”. But my dignity is well placed and I never did anything with him no matter how hard it was not to.

Then came along someone we will call A. A was and will forever be one of my biggest what if’s. Why he will stay like that forever you may ask? Because the potato that I am fell for the biggest mind game of all (crazy ex girlfriend finds out the weird, almost but not yet relationship you guys had, pretends to go through the same thing with him at the same time while crying and saying he’s the worst man ever and me being so smart fell for that little act and told her to dump him and told her about my rocky road with him and his crazyness). So he sent me to hell cause I fucked up his chances with that girl, gave me an ultimatum on our friendship if i didn’t lie to her and I didn’t so we haven’t said a word to each other since.  A has his issues, and I truly thought I could be his savior, so I went through that phase too (with the usual giving up on him and then regaining hope) .. YAY..

While I was on that awesome rocky road with A, I met B. B is the dickhead i gave it to. The dickhead whom I have so much in common with is frightening. It’s like he could really be my soulmate but then he’s a complicated fucktard. We hung out everyday for a week… everything was great and then he just stopped. Few months later we started fooling around, cause apparently I like being with douchbags even if it’s not serious and just to actually BE with him in a way, with secret hopes of changing his no-commitment mind. After fooling around twice we stopped, cause he was being an asshole again. And then came that fateful day when I was like fuck it.. and fucked him. I must say, although his penis and body are literally perfect, he does not understand how a female body functions an he’s terrible in bed. Sorry not sorry.

See how amazing my taste in men is.

Ok so I will skip a weirdo from a two day make out sesh (best kiss in my life), and go directly to the last guy i liked. We will call him C. C is, how can I explain?Charming, a gentleman, caring and everything you read in books of how a man should be. With a “bit” of asshole on the side. 

And now, to end my awesome repertoire of men whom I’ve liked, kissed, and unfortunately fucked, let’s talk about D.

D has made me realize I’m ready to get into something remotely serious. AND DEFINITELY NOT WITH HIM. D is the guy who ended my dry spell and makes me wish that I still were in it. Have you ever been with someone who no matter how many times you tell them you don’t like something they keep on doing it? Even when you’re trembling in pain because he does not know how to gently touch a vagina? I’m sorry if you read this but honestly D, I cannot follow this “fuck buddy” relationship when I really can’t stand you. I mean you’re nice but there’s just something about you… ugh. I can’t have a decent conversation with the guy and I’m very talkative and I mean dude, there’s more to life than work, or school. There’s a bunch of topics you can cover with a person and I have only been able to cover 2 because apparently he has Patrick Star for a brain.

Seriously, this dude is so vain. I’m actually ending the fuck buddy thing today. I can’t deal with people like him.. nope..

So yeah. It took me about 2 hours to finish this. I am now hungry, clearly in need of sleep, but debating whether i should go grab some frosted flakes or try to get some shut eye.


This is just the beginning. Follow me and read about my “oh-so-eventful life” and laugh about how much of a potato I really am.

Toodles!